Stars

That moment when you feel like everything is happening soon, when in fact, they are not. You just have this insane excitement, and inexplicable exhiliration, to which you do not have an explanation. Perhaps there really is going to be something, and in your heart of hearts you hope it is that one wish you have been praying for. You look up to heaven, both in fear and anticipation.

Then again, you realize, there are countless stars, just like how there are countless people. You wonder how many of them think the way you do, and feel similarly. You see that in the darkness of the night, the stars shine, but their brightness are never similar. One is bound to glitter more and be seen even through the humblest of telescopes. You realize that maybe the excitement is a mask to cover the incoming disappointment. You may not actually be gifted the desire of your heart and you are just bound to struggle against all the other stars' light. You push through the darkness. Perhaps this is why you have that adrenaline rush. It is the fire to give off light.

You are a star fighting to be noticed. You are a star waiting, that tiny speck in the sky that some people point at, but is left unnamed. You stay. You become part of the everyday of that night sky, no matter how mundane it might be, because you are questing for that desire. It is only because you believe. You have faith that pushes aside fear and doubt. You have patience and understanding.

As time goes by, however, your prayer morphs. As time goes by, you plead to the universe to keep the fire kindling. You realize that in all of this, it was not that one thing you wanted. It was the fire, the glow of exhiliration, the quickening. You pray that it remains, that feeling, because to lose it is to become cold. It meant your core darkening into pitchblack. You are a star whose struggle has ended. It meant a dulling away when what you truly wanted was an explosion of colours. It meant dying. And you fear that more.

12:23 am 11/3/13