And sometimes I just miss you. Like tonight, but I know you probably are sleeping. I will not romanticize this by thinking maybe you are thinking of me and actually sending me electric signals. Yes, i am thinking it, but it is not real. It is irrational and it’s just a way to feed my ego.
You are in the past and I had left you there. We burnt bridges. I started the fire, you threw in some gasoline. That’s how we finished. I don’t know if we’ve turned to ashes, because I decided to look away before I saw how much had been swallowed by the conflagration.
You said there is no more way we can go back, so I looked away as fast and as strongly as I could, because it is the only option left to me. You said we were already hurting each other and I thoroughly agree. I forgive you for it, though. That’s the thought I had with me as I turned and started to walk.
You knew there will be tears. The smoke from the fire entered my eyes and they just had to water. Why not? Those were beautiful memories we decided to burn with that bridge. Those were beautiful dreams as well. And even as I walked away that day, I asked why they must all be fed to the fire. I still don’t have the answer.
But i know one thing. I cannot go back to the places we’ve been to, because that is like walking straight to a valley still burning. Its air is still poison to my thoughts and it’s death to me (at some point.)
Maybe in the distant future, when the fields have sprung into a beautiful garden again, when from the ashes grew wild flowers, maybe then I can go back, look back with a smile because I know that these that sprung are flowers of adversity and they were made of those burnt memories and dreams. Those that died to make way for something more peaceful…
-to you whom i am thinking of right now even if I don’t want to think about you. We used to share a heart then you decided the room’s too cramped for a crazy mind and a lost child.
